this hour

"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason that I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

I love my dad. He is so many things to me. My dad. A confidant. My number one fan. A teacher. A mentor. A support. A role model. A hero. A friend.

July 21st: I got a call from my mom wondering if Heather and I could meet and talk with my parents in person the next day. My gut-reaction was "this can't be good."

July 22nd: My gut-reaction was confirmed. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Cancer? Cancer.

After that, Heather asked most of the questions, my mom answered. Dad and I just sat there in silence. Cancer? It's been almost three months and I still can't convey my thoughts and emotions from that day. I just remember the overwhelming weight of the fear I felt. I spent the next few days and weeks researching prostate cancer, praying for my dad, and trusting that there was a plan. My parents spent those days and weeks meeting with oncologists, radiologists and other "-ists"; praying; and trying to find the best plan.

September 30th: Surgery, City of Hope. All over friends, family, acquantainces, and complete strangers prayed for dad and his doctors. Dad and mom got there at 5:30am, Heather, Sean, Jenna, and I got there around 6:45am. Dad was already being prepped for surgery. He did call right before they took him back, but only mom got to see him. 10:45am Doctor came out and said surgery went well and commented that dad's in really good physical shape which helped. 11:45am Dad is brought from recovery into his room. He sleeps most of the day, waking up only when the pain made him.

He was released from the hospital the next afternoon and came home to begin the healing process. The thing about dad is that he has a high tolerance for pain; doesn't react well to pain medicatoin; and doesn't communicate when he is in pain. So it's hard to really guage how much pain he is in.

October 6th: Post-operation meeting with COH staff. Turns out cancer had spread into the fat and/or tissue immediately surrounding the prostate. That means radiation treatment, but his doctors aid that would take care of the rest of the cancer. That was a blow to what we hoped was going to be a "one and done" type cancer surgery.

October 14th: Mom calls right before our small group started. Dad's leg is swollen, which could be a sign of a blood clot, which can be a side-effect of any surgery. The ER is busy, so it takes a long time to get tests done, but they finally decide to admit him and run some more tests.

That's where we stand now. Dad's in the hospital (Los Robles), mom is there as well, I'm sure, and I cannot sleep.

At our small group, I shared what was going on with my dad. I also told them that my biggest prayer for this trial is that God is glorified through this. I said I didn't know what that looks like in this situation, but that's what I want. Kasey shared a verse from John 12:27. It says "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

Take my life and let it be
all for you and for your glory
take my life and let it be yours